One more day
by But I Have Promises To Keep
Summary: When Natara is forced to kill Mal, can she live with herself? Or will she give up everything for one ,more day? Inspired by Mitch Albom's 'For One More Day'
1. Chapter 1

Prologue

She raised the gun, ready to end Mal's life. Natara felt her breath catch cold in her throat, she didn't want to do it…but she owed it to Mal. She had no choice.

One Day Earlier

"Nat!" cried Mal, at this point still alive. "Got another case!" he walked up to Natara, who was standing by the bullpen, and handed her a file.  
>"What else is new?" she said, scowling. She was already having a particularly bad morning, having spilled coffee on her shirt and getting stuck in traffic for fifteen minutes.<br>"Well good morning to you to" said Mal, his eyebrows raised at her angry outburst.  
>Natara couldn't help the smile creep on her face "Sorry, bad morning. Who was murdered this time?" she asked with the air of someone asking the weather.<br>"ID said she was 'Melissa Jones', age 21" said Mal "But she's really Alyssa Simmons, age 19"  
>"Well she certainly used her imagination when thinking of names. Find a reason for the fake ID?" she asked, peeking in the file.<br>"Yeah, she's a collage girl. Probably wanted to sneak into a club with her boyfriend. We got him here, he was the one who was with her when she died." said Mal "Interestingly enough, she died three days ago."  
>"Then why are we only getting called in now?" she asked "She's under eighteen, but why would he wait so long to call?"<br>"He claims they were kidnapped for three days" answered Mal.  
>"Can we talk to him?" asked Natara.<br>"Yeah, he's waiting in the interrogation room now" said Mal. Together they entered, and a young man, maybe twenty or so, sat in one of the chairs. He was in the corner, his knees up to his chin and his feet with him on the chair. He had visible scratches on his palms from digging his hands in, his eyes were filled with clear fear.  
>"Jimmy Davis?" said Natara, approaching the boy cautiously "I'm special agent Williams, and this is Detective Fallon. We'd like to ask you a few questions." The boy unraveled from his defensive position and looked at her.<br>"Are you gonna find him?" he barely whispered.  
>"We're going to try" she said soothingly. "But I need you to answer a few questions".<br>He nodded "Anything."  
>"Can you tell my why you and Alyssa had fake ID's?"<br>"Not what you're thinking" he said "Alyssa and I were taking art classes in collage. She submitted a piece of artwork to a public gallery. They took it, and wanted her to be there when they had an open house. Thing was, we weren't old enough to go, it was only supposed to be for adults and they had alcohol there. I swear! We didn't go for that!" he said.  
>He looked nervously at Natara, as if expecting her to accuse him of something. When she didn't, he continued "We got there, used out fake ID's to get in. Alyssa got nervous when this guy kept coming back, looked kinda shady you know? We decided to leave early. When we walked out, he followed us. We went into a local library, figured if this was some creep he wouldn't do anything in such a public place. I thought we lost him. When we got out, he just grabbed Alyssa when we walked passed and ally. Smashed her head against the wall to knock her out."<br>"But she was still alive then?" asked Mal.  
>Jimmy nodded "Yeah. So I couldn't just leave her there, so I ran in after her. Next thing I know the dude hits me over the head with something and I'm knocked out."<br>"Where was this?" asked Natara.  
>"48th street. By the library." he said. Mal left to send someone to check it out.<br>"Continue" said Natara.  
>Jimmy obeyed "Next thing I know I'm in this cellar or something. Dude come in, can't see his face, too dark, and tells me Alyssa made his suffer. That she's gotta pay. Hands me a knife, tells me he doesn't want her blood on his hands. Tried to take him out with it, left before I could try anything. Wouldn't do it, I wasn't gonna kil her." his voice broke, he was physically shaking. Natara put a comforting hand on his arm.<br>"It's okay" she soothed "Your safe now."  
>Jimmy was sobbing now, barely choking out the next few words "Alyssa's diabetic. I don't even know how she made it past the first twenty-four hours. She was gonna die. She begged me to do it, I didn't have a choice" he looked physically I'll now. "Her last word was 'please'. I made it quick" he sobbed. "I killed her." He put his face in his hands, completely overcome by tears. "ssshhhhh…" soothed Natara "It's all over now". Jimmy continued to sob. "Keep going when your ready" she said.<br>"Told me it was done" he cried eventually "Told me it was over, through this loud speaker thing. Slipped a blindfold under the door, told me to put it on. I did. Came in and tied my hands behind my back. Shoved me out, knew I was outside."  
>"How?" asked Natara.<br>"It was so cold in there" he whispered "When I walked out I could feel the sun on my face."  
>"Then what happened?" asked Natara, gently pushing for information.<br>"Shoved me into a car. Pushed me out by the side of some road. Next thing I know I'm here" he said, trying and failing to keep his voice steady.  
>"You never saw his face?" asked Natara.<br>"No, he always wore a hood or a mask." he replied, attempting to regain his composure.  
>"Thank you Jimmy, we'll keep you in the loop" she said, walking out to Mal, who was talking on a cell phone.<br>He ended his call, turning to Natara "Van Gogh over there told the truth. Found the ally he was talking about, both his and the victims blood on the walls and ground. So unless they were back there chopping each others ears off, I doubt he's lying."  
>With a slight smile, Natara said "Get ahold of who was on watching the door at the Gallery last night?"<br>"Yeah, he's there now. Wanna go pay him a visit?" he asked.  
>"Yeah, he might remember something. I doubt the UnSub used a fake ID. He's probably old enough to get in on his own." she said.<br>"Alright, let's go then" he said.  
>Ten minutes later they pulled up at a art gallery. Several people cleaned up liter outside, and man oversaw them, constantly looking at his watch. Mal and Natara approached him.<br>"Antony Wells?" said Mal. The man nodded. "I'm Detective Fallon, this is Special agent Williams, we'd like to ask you a few questions regarding last nights homicide."  
>", did you see anyone acting suspiciously last night?" asked Natara, getting straight to the point "Probably wearing dark clothing, a hood. Possibly with these two kids" she held out two photographs of Alyssa and Jimmy.<br>"Yeah, I seen 'im" he said.  
>"Do you know his name or remember anything about him?" she asked.<br>"No, real sketchy though, ya know?" he said.  
>"Yeah, we got that" said Mal "Did you notice anything unusual about him?".<br>"Now that ya mention it, he was hangin' outside for a while. Didn't wanna come in it seemed. The whole time he walked around like he was going through so kinda horror museum, real strange." he added "Saw 'im walk by a couple times."  
>"Notice anything specific about the kids?" she asked.<br>"Nope, looked awfully young though." he said.  
>"Yeah, that's because they were using fake ID's" said Mal aggressively.<br>"Look man, I didn't know. It was dark, the girl had a freakin' piece in there, she had a pass sayin' so!"  
>"Come on Mal, that's not our main concern. Let's go back and see if Amy has anything for us." Twenty minutes later they returned, pulling into the station and going downstairs to the crime lab. As they entered, Amy turned around excitedly "Natara! You said that Jimmy said there was a intercom system and camera in the cellar, right?"<br>"Yeah, I didn't day anything about a camera though" she said.  
>"Yeah, but he must have had one if he knew that Jimmy put the blindfold on or killed that poor girl" she said. "Anyways, I looked up several people who had those installed in their homes. I got four hundred people in San Francisco. After that, I found out this is a similar crime happening. Several art studio's and gallery's across the city have reported missing persons or murders. Each missing in two's, either one or both still missing. Most of the time one returns, but is refuses to corporate. Nothing alike in the victims, different occupations and everything. This guy never hits the same place twice. Captain Yeong has already left to get her wife home, she's an artist and the studio she goes to hasn't been his yet."<br>"Amy, cross reference people who have been institutionalized or have had psychological help." said Natara.  
>"I have twelve results, all male." she said. "This one's interesting, this guys been treated for Stendhal Syndrome"<br>Both Amy and Natara gave each other identical worried looks.  
>"Am I the only one that doesn't know what that means?" asked Mal.<br>"It's a mental illness where a person can't handle beautiful pieces of art or scenery" explained Natara "Persons with this illness often experience hallucinations when exposed to art."  
>"So, this guy is killing artists to lessen the risk of experiencing these symptoms?" asked Mal.<br>"There's a good chance of it" said Natara "But we won't know until we pick him up."  
>Amy handed Natara a recently-printed sheet if paper bearing the name and address.<br>"Thanks Amy. Come on Mal, we need to get there before he strikes again." They ran out of the building, past a shocked Captain Yeong and into the car.  
>"174 Westbrook Lane!" she cried as they hurriedly drove. Fifteen minutes later they pulled up to a small and run-down house in a poor neighborhood.<br>"How do you think we should play this?" asked Mal.  
>Natara glanced at the paper Amy gave her "'Alexander Reid, age Thirty-one. Record of small felonies.' All violence-related acts. He could be dangerous." she said. "Better play it safe. Looks like he's a Sadist, and that and any other mental illness is a dangerous combination. He could easily treat us the same as any of our other victims. Act like he's done nothing wrong. Don't accuse him of anything unless he resists".<br>"Sounds good enough to me" he said as they both got out of the car. They walked up to the front door, and Natara couldn't help but fell like something wasn't right. "SFPD! Open up!" yelled Mal, pounding on the door. They could hear a scuffle behind the door, but no one came. Mal nodded to Natara, and she returned it. Mal kicked down the door, gun drawn. Natara followed. "Come out with your hands up!" yelled Mal.  
>Natara gasped "Mal! Look out!" but it was to late. A dark figure had already smacked Mal with something heavy and metal from behind, a frying pan. Mal crumpled to the ground, unconscious. Natara went to fire at the man, but the figure batted away her gun unnaturally fast with his hand. He hit her on the side of her head, almost knocking her out to. Mal was feebly stirring, and the figure stabbed him once, twice, three with a kitchen knife before Natara's scream distracted him. He came over, giving her a second sharp blow and completely knocking her out.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

When Natara awoke, the first thing she noticed was she was very cold. She opened her eyes, waking to a dirty and old cellar.  
>"Mal!" she called. Her only response was a weak moan. She saw him, slumped in the shadows. Several stab wounds in his abdomen. "Mal! Stay with me!" she said. He did not respond as she franticly applied pressure. She put one hand to his neck, his heart still beat. It took her a while to realize why her knee's were warm, and realized she was kneeling in a pile of blood. She heard the door open, and immediately looked up to see a hand toss in a small object and quickly shut. Natara went to the door, pounding and screaming.<br>"Scream all you want, no one can hear you" said a voice over the intercom.  
>"You really think you can keep is here? There are people who know where we are!" she yelled, assuming he could hear her.<br>"You think I'm stupid enough to keep you in the same spot? Trust me, I've moved you where your never going to be found."  
>"Why do you do this?" she cried "Keep two people, pit them against the other and make them kill each other? It's not going to work, I would never hurt Mal. He would never hurt me." She looked down, seeing the object that was thrown in was her own gun.<br>"Because I'm not a murderer" he said. Natara heard the click of an intercom and knew he was gone. She returned to Mal, who was stirring feebly. The wounds had stopped bleeding from a combination of time and the brief pressure, but Natara knew they would be fatal. That this was the plan, that he wanted her to kill Mal to put him out of his suffering. She laid down next to him, sharing their warmth. Hours went by, it gradually got colder as the night went on. Then it stopped, the cold began to be chased away by morning. Natara sat up, checking to see if Mal was still alive but was surprised to see he was awake. His face was bloody and tired-looking, all the air of general youthfulness it usually carried gone. He whispered one word "Please". He shakily raised a hand and pointed to where the gun lay.  
>"No, no Mal. I'm not letting you die. We're gonna get out of this." she said.<br>"Please" he repeated. His deep blue eyes were empty and begging.  
>"Mal, don't make me…" she said, but couldn't finish the sentence.<br>"Go" he said "finish it and go". She got up, getting the gun and going to the other side of the room. She raised the gun, ready to end Mal's life. Natara felt her breath catch cold in her throat, she didn't want to do it…but she owed it to Mal. She had no choice. She looked at him one last time, he mouthed the word again "please". She closed her eyes as the shot rang across the room, probably not the smartest idea because it could bounce off the stone walls or floor. She heard it meet it's mark, heard a ominous quiet across the room.

She opened her eyes, seeing Mal's body. His head had snapped back in a bloody mess. His body limp and lifeless. Natara fell to her knees, her head in her hands. "Oh my god, what have I done?" she whispered, sobbing. She heard the door open, the man approach her. She went to shoot him, but only heard a loud click. He had only given her one bullet. He grabbed her roughly by the back of her shirt, placing her on her feet. He shoved a burlap sack on her head, she couldn't see. She was shoved roughly to her feet, and she did not resist. All her fight was gone, and she was left a shell. She was shoved roughly up steps, she could feel the warm sun in her numb body. She was shoved roughly into the back of a car, shoved to the seat as her hands were tied roughly behind her back. She heard a car door close and lock, and another one open and close. The click of a seatbelt, the hum of an engine. After an eternity she could hear the car stop and put in park. Her door opened, fresh air flooding in her face. She was roughly shoved from the back seat, onto cold and hard earth. She heard the car drive away, and continued to lie where she was. She could find no good reason to get up. She heard the distant wail of police cars, but still was motionless. She was trying not to think about what she'd done, Mal's body or how he'd died. She was gently lifted up, a familiar voice shouting "I've found her!" and felt the sack scrape across her cheeks as sunlight filled her vision. "Natara, are you all right?" asked Ken. He placed her on her feet, she did not answer.  
>"Where's Mal?" he asked. She felt tears fill up in her eyes, she collapsed to the ground. She hated it, feeling weak and vulnerable. Being the only one crying in a group of sane people.<br>"No…" he heard Ken say "No…he can't be…". She didn't remember being brought back to the station, or Amy driving her home with tears in her eyes. She didn't remember climbing up endless steps to her apartment, or flopping down on the bed or finally drifting to sleep.

When she awoke she had forgotten what had happened. It took her a moment to realize what she'd done, why she felt like her life had been sucked out of her. 'You killed him' she thought 'this is all your fault.  
>'Why did he have to make me do it?' she thought, still lying in bed. She simply lay there, staring at the ceiling as if comatose. She got up, walking to the bathroom. She looked in the mirror. She had blood that was not her own on her face. Her hair was a mess and she was still wearing the clothes from the other day. Her eyes were wild, insane. They were glassy and lacked life. 'I've become what I've studied' she thought. The name 'post-traumatic stress' came to mind. Giving it a name made it worse. In the background, she could see her spare gun by her jacket. Zombie-like, she walked over to it, arms outstretched. She held it arms length away, tempted and repulsed at the same time.<br>'You know this is the cowards way out' she told herself 'this is exactly the things you study, to try and prevent.' She sat down on her couch, he gun still limply in her hand. She heard her cell-phone go off, but did not answer it. 'Is this what you went through Mal?' she asked the Mal in her mind 'when Tasha died? When you couldn't save her?'. She knew this was different, that Mal hadn't killed Tasha. That she'd killed Mal. Not even by accident, she knew her actions would lead directly to his death. She held the gun to her temple, she wanted to pull the trigger so bad. To not have to give her testimony, to keep the secret of Mal's murder to the grave.  
>'Murder!' she thought 'I'm a murderer. I've killed Mal. He's gone because of me. I've become what I've studied. I've become for what all my career, have fought against.' There was a light knock at the door, startling Natara. She almost accidentally pulled the trigger. She lowered the gun, and went to answer the door. She flung it open, surprised to see Amy there. Her eyes were red, and she looked like she was going to say something. Then her eyes drifted to the gun Natara realized was still in her hand. She flipped, almost yelling words Natara couldn't hear. She had never seen Amy angry. Frustrated maybe, especially with Kai, but never truly angry. Never yelling. She grabbed the gun from Natara's hand, pulling into a sobbing hug "I don't wanna lose you too." she whispered. Natara simply stood there, like a statue. Amy took her gun when she left, leaving Natara. She closed the door, sitting back on the couch. She lay back down, pulling her knees to her chest ad wrapping her arms around them. She fell into a sleep again, escaping the nightmare that had become her very life.<br>When she awoke again it was dark, rain pounding against the glass. She walked to the window, putting her hand on the fogging glass surface. She lifted it, making her hand stay for a brief moment them disappearing as her hot breath touched it. She wondered if they had found Mal's body, or if the rain was washing the blood away right now. She turned around again, sitting on the couch, biting the inside of her cheeks to keep ahold of reality, so her very world did not spin out of control. She tasted the coppery blood as it poured from her cheeks. She began to question her sanity, as of right now she felt like screaming, screaming until her vocal chords ripped and she became mute. As if the power if the noise could make time go back, to where life went on. Where Mal's body was warm and alive, where hearts beat and eyes blink. Where, if she was in this state, Mal would have broken down her door and demand an answer. Suddenly there was a knock, Natara froze like a deer in headlights. As if she froze, the world itself would to. "Natara! I know your in there!" called Amy's voice. She continued to stand still when she said "Please! We need you back…we need help on the case!" she yelled. She knew Amy's reason for this was she was channeling her emotions through her work, that she was hiding behind the fact that the man who did this needed to be brought to justice. This was not Natara's way, she needed time, and even that might not help. Mal was gone, and getting the man who forced Natara to kill him was still out there wouldn't help. That she had no right to hate him when it was her fault. She slowly walked to the wall, turning out the lights. So Amy would at least know she was still alive, just not ready to talk. This silenced her, knowing that she was still alive, that she knew what lies behind the door. She could hear her footsteps fade as she walked away, leaving Natara finally and truly, alone. She crossed the room yet again to the window, yet again placing her hand on the cold glass, letting the cold remind her that she was still here, that she could still feel. That she was not yet lost. Reminding her that Mal's life had been similar, short, then unexpectedly fading away. That it was also her fault that it was gone. She crossed back over to the couch, unsure what to do with herself. Eventually she walked over to the bathroom, standing by the sink and looking at her frightened-looking expression. How the last time she looked like this her sister had been taken. She hated it, looking like a weak and pathetic person. Like a wounded animal. She didn't want anyone else's help to get by, she was with the FBI! She'd shot her own partner, watched him deteriorate into a serial killed before her very eyes. Watched him die at the hand of someone she trusted.  
>Grabbing a wash cloth, she wiped Mal's blood off her face and hands, wishing it was still in Mal's body. It didn't belong on her. She looked up at the mirror when she was done. She looked a little better, at least not like she was utterly mad. She walked over to her bedroom, grabbing fresh clothes. As she changed her shirt, she saw it. Among the bloodstains was single coffee stain. Her mind flashed back to a simpler time, when she'd been in a bad mood from spilling coffee, had greeted Mal with a scowl.<br>"Well good morning to you too." he had said. She threw herself back on her bed, curling up like a cat under the blankets. Not wanting to sleep, but to be wrapped in a world of warmth and comfort, where she could close her eyes and ignore the world. She lay there, unmoving. As if she were mimicking a corpse. She got up again a while later, dragging herself over to the mirror. "You know what?" she whispered to her reflection "He's not gonna win. I won't let him" she said. The woman in the mirror simply looked at her, looking beaten and bruised. Natara grabbed a hairbrush, roughly tugging at her hair. Eventually getting through the mess, she grabbed clean clothes and got dressed. Looking at herself one last time as she walked away, she swore a flash if blue shone in her dark eyes as she walked out the door.

She stood for a long time, across the street from the police station. Cars and people walked by, carrying on their normal lives. Not knowing a murderer stood in their mists. That that murderer was about to walk straight into the police station. Taking a deep breath, Natara waited for the light to change and walked across the street, walking much faster than those crossing with her. She walked up the steps, standing at the front door for a long time. Holding the handle, as it took every bit of strength to open it. Then it began to open on it's own, hitting Natara's foot and crushing it. Joe Bartaugh came through, his nose in a file as he walked out.  
>"Sorry miss" he apologized, his face still in the file. He glanced up at her, and did a double take. Natara ignored his stare and walked in, attempting to remain conspicuous. This was a failed effort, as soon as she entered everything got quiet, everyone stared. She scurried across the room, keeping her gaze straight and avoiding eye contact. She saw Ken as she walked by, his eyes widened a bit, and Natara saw the same seemingly lack of sanity she saw in herself. She treaded lightly down the steps, resenting every noise she made. She quietly entered the crime lab, approaching the unaware form of Amy as she worked on a computer.<br>"Woah. No offense but you look awful" said Kai, who had spotted Natara. She mentally slapped herself for forgetting about him.  
>Amy whipped around "Kai!" she scolded. She turned to Natara, giving her a rather sad smile.<br>"Hi Natara" she said gently, as if coaxing a wild animal to eat from her hand "We-we've found him you know". Natara felt nothing at those words. At first she thought it was wrong to think normally, then realized. Feeling nothing, that wasn't normal. "Captain Yeong wants to talk to you" she said, giving her arm a reassuring squeeze. Natara silently nodded, heading immediately up the stairs without another word. She crept op the stairs, trying her hardest to make no sound. She reached to top, happy to find it was no longer silent upstairs. People talked, though she thought a shift had happened. Voices were deep and serious. Laughter was gone, it like an unspoken rule had formed. Words were mumbled, as if sound itself had died. Still, people were distracted enough that Natara was able to quickly step across the room, and was already entering Captain Yeong's office when heads turned, only seeing her pants leg whip in the doorway.  
>As she entered she clearly took Captain Yeong by surprise. She clearly had her head in her hands, and as Natara entered she had whipped her head up in surprise. Natara was surprised to see her eyes were also somewhat red, and that she seemed to have lost some of her normally stern demeanor. She cleared her throat, looking like she was about to tell Natara off for barging in but stopped. "Agent Williams, sit please" she said, pointing to a nearby chair. She obeyed. "I understand…you have recently experienced a… emotional loss" she said, surprising her with the centromere of her voice. She had never heard her use that tone. She supposed she acquired it when doing the charity work with disabled children, and was somewhat offended how she used it on her. "Nevertheless, we need your help, it's still an open investigation" she continued, regaining her usual disposition. "I have no choice but to keep you off of this investigation, but we do need your testimony, it could help bring this man to justice." Natara nodded, unsure of what else to do. "Very well, when you're ready tell Detective Greene. He's agreed to conduct this investigation." Natara nodded once again, unsure if she really was ready. Part of her wished she hadn't come today. The other part knew she couldn't hide forever, and knew it was better to embrace the inevitable that to put it off. That as time passed, memories would fade and they would never catch who did this, who forced Natara to do this. As she got up, she knew one moment that would be forever burned in her mind. The cold breath catching in her throat, squeezing her eyes shut as she pulled the trigger. Opening her eyes to see Mal's neck at an impossible angle, snapped back as the bullet entered his head with a bloody spray…<br>"Natara!" said a voice, calling her out of her daze. She looked up, Ken was standing in front of her with a confused expression of worry on his face. "You okay?" he asked.  
>"I'm fine" she lied.<br>He looked down at her skeptically and said "Look, I know it's bad now. But we gotta finish this, for Mal."  
>He mind flashed back to three nights ago. "Go" Mal said "finish it and go".<br>What did he mean by that? Finish him off? Finish the case? What did he make her do it, face this all alone?  
>"Natara." he said, giving her a shake when he saw her vacant look. It took her a minute to come back to the present. "Ready?" he asked. She nodded once again. He took her into the interrogation room, and Natara sat opposite the end she usually did. 'So this is what it's like' she thought 'on the other side.' Ken sat back, exhaling deeply once and rubbed his eyes once. He sat forward, looking ready to write on a piece of paper in front of him but also looking like he didn't want to hear how his best friend died. "Whenever your ready" he said, not sounding ready himself.<br>And she told him, from when they were attacked, to almost getting knocked out. To screaming as Mal was stabbed by who they thought was Alexander Reid, but had never seen his face. How she had woken up in the dark cellar, saw Mal dying on the ground. How a her gun, one bullet remaining, had been thrown in the room. The voice on the intercom and how Mal's last work, just like poor Alyssa's, had been 'please'. Her voice broke after that, nearly unable to go in. She'd paused, Ken was patient and waited. "I killed him" Natara managed to whisper eventually. She took a quick glance up at Ken, his face was unreadable. She continued until she got to when she was rescued, and knew she was done, that it was over. Ken simply looked at her, his eyes sympathetic. "He asked for it, you know that" he said as if reading her thoughts. She only nodded. Together they walked out, Natara knew her eyes would be red and quickly left, telling Ken to tell Captain Yeong where she'd gone. She walked outside, a steady and hard rain had started falling. She wished she hadn't walked there. She walked slowly, finding she didn't mind the rain. That it was warm and comfortable. She allowed herself to walk extra-slowly, for a childish moment almost playing in the rain.


	3. Chapter 3

**I just wanna thank you to**  
><strong>'<em>poemfromtheheart<em>', an amazing writer. If your reading this I really owe you one! I was ridiculously nervous about putting my fan-fiction on this site, almost had a heart attack when I got my first review. And now I don't have a mini panic attack when I press the publish button! Thank you!**  
><strong>By the way this part really contains no action at all…But I'll try and get some in the next chapter so sorry if it sounds like gross chic-novely crap. I honestly wrote this after a New Years all-nighter. So it might be really bad but I'm to lazy to re-write it. Also I apologize for my many typo's, I type everything on my ipod. Okay, I'll shut up now.<strong>

She got inside, checking her phone. Amy had texted her that Mal's funeral would be tomorrow at twelve. She gulped, a funeral made it permanent, irreversible. That after that earth fell on his casket, Mal would be trapped under there. That he would never come back, and it was all her fault. She quickly fixed herself dinner, a grotesque mixture of various leftovers. She walked out of her apartment again, deciding to go for a walk to keep her mind off things. That was a mistake. As she walked through the rain she passed the bar Mal always went to. Diego, who was standing outside, gave her a conflicted look as she passed. She passed the Golden Gate park, where they had investigated The Hunters. She passed nameless, faceless people. People she had an oath to protect, but that didn't matter. It didn't matter how many strangers she saved, all that did matter is she couldn't save one person she cared about. Feeling thoroughly worse than when she left, Natara headed home, avoiding all the places she had passed. She got inside, locking the door from the world as she did so. She looked out the window, noticing the darkening sky. Still in her clothes, she crawled into bed, drawing her knees close to her and wrapping her arms around her legs. As her eyes fluttered shut, she could only imagine the horror that could await by the next day. She woke up early that morning, a clap of thunder startling her out of sleep. She pulled herself out of bed, glancing at the clock and scowling. 4:00am. She walked over to the kitchen, knowing that sleep would never find her again. She fixed herself a cup of coffee, sitting on the couch and turning on the news. She remembered her and Mal's conversation about when Sandra had left him. 

_"One morning, I got up and made two cups of coffee" he had said._  
><em>"What'd you do?" she had asked.<em>  
><em>"What else could I do? I drank them. Not gonna waste good coffee." he responded.<em>  
><em>"I think you're going to be okay Mal. I really do."<em>

He had then preceded to ask her about her past, and she had walked away from him. Plunging deeper into secrets and lies. Of course it had all come out not long after, when Shawn had gone on a rampage. She had avoided him all that week, completely regretting this now. What if he had died at that time? He would have left, leaving all things unsaid be left in her mind. Never to be spoken or heard. What she would give for just one more day. What would she say? 'I'm sorry'? Maybe more than that. Maybe something deeper. She had never moved toward Mal romantically. She knew he had feelings for her, she was, as Mal called her 'a creepy mind reader' after all. She had even had these thoughts herself, when he had said she was worth everything when she was poisoned, even if it was part of the act. Or when they had been undercover as the married couple, when Mal had left her after they had spilled their hearts to each other. But it was too soon, after everything that had happened. He had been right though, she really could trust him. Everything he'd ever done was to protect her and everyone else. She drank her coffee, coughing as she burned her tongue. She set it on the table and curled her feet under her, laying back. She briefly closed her eyes, but quickly found herself asleep.  
>She dreamt of that day she and Mal were undercover. When they had spent a long time spilling their hearts out to each other. Only this time Mal heard her when she said his name before he left. This time she told him that she did really trust him, that she loved him, but wasn't ready. He had smiled, saying he would wait. That he would always wait for her.<br>Natara's eyes snapped open, she almost fell off the couch as she woke. She looked around, half expecting Mal to still be there. She looked down at her coffee, it had gone cold. She glanced at the clock, 9:58am. She unraveled from her relaxed position and went to re-heat her ice-cold coffee. As the microwave ended, she chugged down her coffee and put the mug in the sink. She walked to her room to get ready. As she opened the closet, she saw a streak of red as something fell out. Her red dress. The one she'd worn when she and Mal were undercover, when she had first met Sandra. She remembered him stuttering for a compliment when she saw her in it. She smiled to herself as she remembered this. She looked around her closet, nothing else would suit. She would stand out like a sore thumb among the black-wearing mourners, but knew this was the right choice. She showered and dressed in it, running a brush through her hair. She left early to drop by the florist, feeling like she needed something to take with her. When she got there, she at first was going to get a rose. Then she realized everyone got roses, and she needed something that meant something. The florist came out, looking at Natara oddly as she entered. "Funeral?" she asked casually. Natara nodded. "Out of roses already." Natara just looked at her, lost. "Can I make a suggestion?"  
>Twenty minutes later she left with a small bundle of bright blue, forget-me-nots. She sat them on the seat beside her as she drove to the graveyard, one that she was told Mal's mother had been buried in to. As she got out, she grabbed the bundle and walked to where a small crowd had already gathered. Diego and Ken were talking slightly away from the group, looking grim. Amy and Kai stood together, and Natara had never seen Kai so calm and somber-looking. He held Amy's hand as tears silently streaked down her cheek. Several people looked at her as she walked over, giving her questioning looks at her attire. She saw a woman nearby, chocolate brown hair and blue eyes just like Mal's. Beside her was an older eighteen or so girl, long black hair and pale make-up. The second one was much younger, a young teen. Her hair was tied purple and blue, making Natara do a double-take. She wanted to walk over there, to talk to them. She knew from the trademark blue eyes who the woman was, Mal's sister. But what was she supposed to say? 'Hi, I'm Natara Williams. I was your brothers partner but I killed him and that's why your here!'. She mentally slapped herself for being so stupid. She simply looked at them as they stood. The girls whispered to each other quietly. People milled around, and eventually as if an unspoken order had formed they all stood where the grave had been dug. Ken and Diego left to grab the casket, and now returned. The crowd parted as they walked and placed it on a rig to lower it down. The top was open, and everyone placed flowers in it as they walked by. Natara had a sudden memory of lining up to use the water fountain as a child. Slowly the line got shorter, and Natara could feel her heart quickening. Finally it was her turn. She reached down, not even looking at Mal. She placed her bundle in, the blue standing out amongst the white and red roses. She took a glance down at Mal, his head had been reconstructed perfectly, where the bullet had hit him erased. 'He looks perfect and totally unlike himself' she thought as she stepped away. She joined the crowd that had formed in the quiet graveyard, looking at who else had shown up. It was mostly people she didn't know, almost everyone from the station, including Captain Yeong, was there. She found herself wondering why Mal's father wasn't there, then reminded herself this was a stupid thing to wonder. Still, she looked, as if he might appear out if thin air. She wondered if he knew, knew his son was gone. Had left the world forever. Or if he was oblivious that he was dead. A flag was placed on the coffin, covering it like a thin blanket. It was lowered down, dirt covered the surface, piled up until it was even with the ground. As if on cue the crowd broke, people left. After a while Natara stood alone. She walked over to the recently disturbed earth, sitting before the marble and looking at the name, the dates. Wishing she could erase the last date, set it years in the future. She looked around to make sure no one was around to hear her before she said "What did you mean by 'finish it and go'?" No response. "Finish you off? Finish the case?". Nothing. "Dammit Mal…" she said, looking at the stone as if it were his face. Natara picked herself up and walked back to her car, driving away from the graveyard again. At this point she couldn't stop thinking of what she'd learned in collage. 'Denial and Isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Most people get stuck in the first four. There are two stages of depression…' she couldn't help but think. 'I'm doing it all wrong then.' As she pulled into her long-term hotel, she felt something. For the first time, absolute fury in her heart. Fury that she'd been forced to do this, at who really had caused this. She walked into her bedroom to pull off the now-dirty dress and put on average clothes, and thought 'I'll have to tell Mal when I see him.' she shook away this thought, if she believed that she would see him again she may decay into madness, if she hadn't already. 'He's gone' she reminded herself 'he's gone and he won't come back. You can't talk to him and he can't talk to you. It was just your subconscious mind in that dream'. She remembered telling herself this when her friend had been murdered in collage. When that had inspired her to go into criminal psychology. How Mal's death inspired her to get the man who, through Natara, had murdered him. At that point she swore to herself that she would get him, no matter what the cost. She fixed herself dinner, and lounged around watching Criminal Minds, something she liked to do to laugh at how they depicted profilers. After a long while she turned it off, crawling into her bed. She turned off the light, but was unable to fall asleep. All she was thinking was how she wanted to dream like she had before, walking with Mal. How she wanted to talk to him again, but this time, the real Mal to hear.<br>She woke up that morning, not even realizing she'd fallen asleep. She immediately got up, not even looking at the clock. She showered and dressed, heading out to the station, determination in her heart. It was a relief to blame someone else for Mal's death. She walked there again, despite the long walk. She walked in, seeing Ken and a few other officers getting bullet proof vests on and holstering weapons. Ken liked at her, and she immediately knew what had happened. "You've found him?" she asked quickly.  
>"Yes, and Captain already said there's no way your going with."<br>She felt her face flush with anger "I don't have anymore of a personal connection that you" she lied.  
>Ken opened his mouth to protest but it was not his voice that sounded "Just let her go" said Captain Yeong. Natara smiled at her. "Just get it done" she added.<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry, it's very short but I just felt like it was finished. I actually think I died a little inside writing this part (and a little bit when Mal died) but I'm somewhat satisfied with it. It could be worse I guess. Sorry it's a little…morbid. But I guess I just have a messed-up brain because that seems to be all I'm capable of writing. I also wanna send a shout-out to anyone who favorited or reviewed. It really means the world to me! Thank you, because I can't even tell you how nervous I was to post for the first time. I was so anxious I swear I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. Anyways, your not here to hear about my mental problems so I'll shut up.

p.s. I want to sent a special thanks to poemfromtheheart and you will never know me ever. You guys rock!

She strapped on her vest, holstering a gun she wished, for the first time, she would use. They all piled into a few different cars, Natara with Ken. They drove for an hour to a small moutain range Natara knew was the Santa Cruz. It was utterly deserted accept for the little shabby shack on the edge of the tree line. "Amy tracked his cell phone, idiot must have thought he could use it after a long while." said Ken. They all got out at once, and Natara saw the face of the man from Alexander Reids file peer through the window. "SFPD! Come out with our hands up!" bellowed Ken. That's when Alaxander open-fired. Luckily no one was hurt, as they had melted into the tree's as bullets bounced off the trunks. She could hear him stop to re-load, but had already counted eight shots before he paused. "Ken, after he fires eight times I'm going in" she whispered, remembering when she and Mal had done the same when they went after The Hunters. Four shots sounded.  
>"No way, it's to dangerous". He said. Three shots. Natara braced herself to run. "Don't you do it Natara. It's practically suicidal." the last shot rang out, and Natara bolted. She heard the start of her name as Ken called after her, but then he stopped. She knew that he knew calling her would give away her position and practically sign her death warrant. She ran to the back door, forcing it open with her shoulder. She ran in, gun drawn. Alexander was ready, he had his gun in one hand, the knife he used to stab Mal in the other. It was crusted and black with blood, and Natara didn't gave a second thought when she fires at him, grazing his shoulder. He cried out in pain and pounced on Natara, and the two grappled for a moment. She whipped him with her gun, but his obviously trained body had pinned her down and swiped away her pistol. He went to stab her with the knife and she was able to swat it away, it skittered across the floor. Natara heard footsteps coming, and knew Ken would be getting there any minute. Alexander must have heard this too, because he froze for a moment. Her grabbed Natara just below her ribs, pinning her arms to her sides. He lifted her up, and she kicked and struggled. But his arms were too strong, she was locked in his iron grip. With one had he quickly retrieved his gun and held it to her temple just as Ken and the ten others entered. Alexander moved so he could see out the window and Ken.<br>"Put her down Alexander…it's over."  
>She couldn't see him face, but knew he was smiling. She could feel his hot breath on her neck, and couldn't help but shutter. "I never killed anyone" he said.<br>Ken's face seemed to be bursting with rage as he said this "Maybe, but your still holding a gun to the head of and FBI agents head".  
>Natara knew it was over, that either she or Ken would never walk out of there. That Alexander would make one of them kill the other somehow in the end and would walk off into the night. "Hey! Back off or I shoot!" yelled Alexander, pressing the gun harder to her temple as Ken inched forward.<br>Natara looked Ken directly in the eyes, and she knew he knew what he wanted him to do before she mouthed "finish it". Ken's face was set as he pulled the trigger, the bullet hit it's mark on Alexanders forehead. But the second sound of gunshot had been masked under Ken's. Alexander fell to the ground, and so had Natara. But that had been the plan. Ken rushed forward, another officer rushed to Alexander. He was dead where he lay. Ken turned Natara over, seeing her glassy eyes, her glazed look. Her skull, completely shattered like a pane of glass on one side. Blood seeping out like dye. He called her name once, but Natara was too far away to hear it. But Ken knew, she was gone.

A week later Amy entered the death quiet cemetery. She walked to where Mal's grave was, new green grass sprouting where lifeless earth had once been. She sat near this one, in between Mal's and the one that lie next to it, the earth recently disturbed. "Ken's not in trouble you know" she said as if directed to Natara's grave. "Everyone thinks your a hero. Including me, especially me. You did what you had to do, and now it's over." She directed this to neither of them, looking across the field as if speaking to the two if them. "It's done. It's finished."


End file.
